{"id":166,"date":"2020-04-24T10:31:31","date_gmt":"2020-04-24T10:31:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wisecontradictions.com\/blog\/?p=166"},"modified":"2020-04-24T10:31:31","modified_gmt":"2020-04-24T10:31:31","slug":"hello-i-am-the-covid-evil-genie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wisecontradictions.com\/blog\/?p=166","title":{"rendered":"Hello! I am the COVID evil genie!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hello! I am the COVID evil genie. It is good to meet you. I am here to grant some latent wishes. Want more time in your day? BAM! \u00a0Want to finish that copy of Ulysses you bought years ago? Learn how to sew? I\u2019ve got your back.\u00a0 <\/span>BAM! Get going! That commute? Subway delays? Traffic? BAM! Gone, fuggetaboutit! Want to shop your neighborhood instead of going to Trader Joes? BAM! Done, and done? You know what you should do? Call your mother. \u00a0BAM! See, I\u2019ve given you a sense of urgency and purpose.\u00a0 <\/span>I will grant all of your wishes. I\u2019m just gonna do it my way. Going to cost some lives. You know. I don\u2019t discriminate. Heads of state? BAM! Oh Borris, you tried to ignore me. I sent you a little something special to move the lockdown along. Stock market?!?! Oh, how I hope that you\u2019re balanced! BAM! I just zapped 10 years of returns. Were you planning on retiring grandpa? Get to work. Oh, wait, you have to stay home. Mwahahahahaha!! \u00a0Want to see those grand kids? Oh, I hope you like Zoom.<\/p>\n

\"Sketch<\/a>

You know, you should take this time to learn how to draw…<\/p><\/div>\n

You won\u2019t be able to smell the sweet hairs on their heads, or have to worry about feeding them. Oh, you people who are still working? Enjoy your digital tethers, conference calls, Hangouts, emails. Oh, and guess what, no one\u2019s coming to clean, \u2018cause I\u2019ve given you another job. You get to be the janitor too!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

By the way, I know you think you\u2019ve flattened the curve, and that you can get rid of me but I am just getting started. Wuhan, so boring. Those South Koreans? They didn\u2019t really want to play along. Don\u2019t get me started on the Germans and that dour truth-telling Chancellor Angela Merkel.\u00a0 <\/span>New York, amazing city\u2014my kind of town. I \u2764\ufe0f America. There are so many helpers, like that President of yours? That pastor still holding services? The spring breakers? Great people. That Cuomo guy? Don\u2019t care for him. You folks staying at home? Live a little. Have a party. I\u2019ve got work to do, and you\u2019re holding it up. So go on, go outside and play. I know you think that you can chase me off with your vaccines but I\u2019m a corona virus\u2014you\u2019e spent time with my friend, the common cold? Yeah, he\u2019s been with us for ages. He\u2019s such a downer, you know, sniffles, a cough, and then you bounce back. Me? I like to trade in fear and uncertainty. I like to linger. See, some of you recover, but some of you die. See, you don\u2019t get something for nothing. Wish all you want, but you can\u2019t wish me away. I\u2019m the COVID evil genie, and I\u2019m here to stay.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hello! I am the COVID evil genie. It is good to meet you. I am here to grant some latent wishes. Want more time in your day? BAM! \u00a0Want to finish that copy of Ulysses you bought years ago? Learn how to sew? I\u2019ve got your back.\u00a0 BAM! Get going! That commute? Subway delays? Traffic? […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-166","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-affairs"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wisecontradictions.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/166","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wisecontradictions.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wisecontradictions.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wisecontradictions.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wisecontradictions.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=166"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/wisecontradictions.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/166\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":168,"href":"https:\/\/wisecontradictions.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/166\/revisions\/168"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wisecontradictions.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=166"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wisecontradictions.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=166"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wisecontradictions.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=166"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}